For women who you find attractive or for women who find you attractive:

Bounce your eyes…

Avoid her…

When you’re in her company, play the dweeb…

A dweeb is the opposite of a player. In relationships players send and receive social signals smoothly. Dweebs do not. When a player wants to send attraction signals, there are certain things he’ll do. He’ll flirt. He’ll banter. He’ll smile with a knowing look. He’ll talk about hip things. In short, he’ll be cool…

As a married man, however, a little social suicide is very much in order. Always play the dweeb. Players flirt…learn to un-flirt. Players banter…learn to un-banter. If a woman smiles with a knowing look, learn to smile with a slightly confused look, to un-smile. If she talks about things that are hip, talk about things that are un-hip to her, like your wife and kids. She’ll find you pleasant enough but rather bland and uninteresting. Perfect.

- Every Man’s Battle, p. 171

OR, as Paul says it in 2 Timothy 2:

20 In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. 21 If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. 22 Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

Coldplay - Til Kingdom Come

It is uber-important for those of us in relationships to not be selfish. When the me-first mindset takes hold, one of the first things that happens is that person A becomes unaware of the needs of person B. When person A learns of person B’s needs, person A will often see those needs as invalid because person A is the reference point and measure for basically everything.

And this can add up to gender warfare. Men scoffing at women, thinking that their differences make them inferior. Women scoffing at men, thinking their differences make them insensitive.

This the is gal who gets offended that her fella wants her to workout, thinking he’s shallow and not loving her for who she is. This is the guy who gets pissed that his lady wants more talks and hugs, thinking that she’s somehow weak or high maintenance. (Yes there are unhealthy, overbearing, and dependent relationships - I’m not talking about those)

Through some research I’ve done, I’ve come across a helpful summary of His Needs, Her Needs,  a book by clinical psychologist and author Dr. Willard Harley. Harley describes 5 ‘typical’ needs of a man and of a woman. May we be people who are both aware and humble enough to acknowledge the validity of the needs of our significant others.

Men

Sexual fulfillment

Recreational companionship

An attractive spouse

Domestic support

Admiration

Women

Affection

Conversation

Honesty and openness

Financial support

Family commitment

Jack Johnson - Do You Remember

Well, I’m coming up on another year married to my best friend, I think that means we’re in it for the ‘long haul’…and oh, what a coincidence — “The Long Haul” is the name of a slick little short that I just stumbled upon; made with over 4,000 still pictures. Enjoy!

Stop Motion | The Long Haul from DUMAIS on Vimeo.

The Velvet Underground - Pale Blue Eyes

Today was a big day, the end of my internship. As I was driving home from school feeling relieved to wrap up all my hard work and responsibility, I realized that I had left something behind.

…a piece of my heart didn’t make it home with me, it stayed back at school with all those that I care deeply about. So, let me say just a few things:

First off, to the Viking students who happen to read this, (welcome to my blog!) I will miss y’all very much! For nearly a year we’ve been learning and sharing our lives together, which for me has been a thrill and an honor that no words could ever describe. I hope you’ve enjoyed and learned from thinking critically about our nation’s past. I hope US History was real and meaningful to you.

Secondly, feel free drop by here and comment whenever you feel like it…but know that I also want updates about you too — and don’t you forget that! Maybe I’ll see you around town or at sporting event.

And finally, may you know that your value and potential can’t even be measured! As young adults, take your role as friends, students, and citizens very seriously because the decisions you make now will shape you in ways you can’t even imagine.

All the best,

Justin (Mr. Detmers)

p.s.
Here is a live version of an Avett Brothers song about ending something good…enjoy.

Mark Driscoll shares some helpful insights on sex, relationships, marriage, and so on…courtesy of Song of Songs. Oh yeah, he rips his people a new one (as always) too.