justindetmers.com

For women who you find attractive or for women who find you attractive:

Bounce your eyes…

Avoid her…

When you’re in her company, play the dweeb…

A dweeb is the opposite of a player. In relationships players send and receive social signals smoothly. Dweebs do not. When a player wants to send attraction signals, there are certain things he’ll do. He’ll flirt. He’ll banter. He’ll smile with a knowing look. He’ll talk about hip things. In short, he’ll be cool…

As a married man, however, a little social suicide is very much in order. Always play the dweeb. Players flirt…learn to un-flirt. Players banter…learn to un-banter. If a woman smiles with a knowing look, learn to smile with a slightly confused look, to un-smile. If she talks about things that are hip, talk about things that are un-hip to her, like your wife and kids. She’ll find you pleasant enough but rather bland and uninteresting. Perfect.

- Every Man’s Battle, p. 171

OR, as Paul says it in 2 Timothy 2:

20 In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. 21 If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work. 22 Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.

10 goals for this new year, some are more concrete than others. Anyway, I’m asking all of you to keep me accountable. Seriously do this. Send a random email, ask me in person, send a messenger pigeon, whatever it takes - hold me to this.

1. Find full time employment, even if that means moving

2. Completely deactivate facebook for 1 month…we’ll be friends again, I promise

3. a) Call my mom more often and b) work smarter, not harder; managing time more effectively

4. a) Work out 4 times a week and b) get more sleep

5. Kiss my wife 5 times every day

6. Trust God recklessly (gulp.)

7. Spend “enough” time (According to Dev) with my wife & daughter (i.e. squeeze a date night in every week, no matter what)

8. a) Consistently chew with my mouth closed and b) wear tighter jeans

9. Challenge & empower other men to live a better story

10. a) Spend at least 5 minutes a day praying for other people and b) share Jesus more often

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart.”

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

I’ve decided that my life needs leisure, so a bit of college hoop on XBox 360 it is. Ah, the world of make-believe:

The Avett Brothers - And It Spread

In a recent article, Tim Keller addresses idolatry with relevance, clarity, and precision. His insights definitely strike a few chords with me. Here are a few quotes:

“An idol is something you rely on instead of God for your salvation…”

“We tend to worry about drugs, drinking, and pornography. But it’s not bad and nasty things that are our biggest problems. Sex, work, and money are great goods. They are intrinsic to our being made in God’s image. If God is second place in your life and one of them is first, you’re cooked. These things are candidates for first place because they are so great.”

(How does someone identify their idols?)

“Look at your daydreams. When you don’t have to think about something, like when you are waiting for the bus, where does your mind love to rest? Or, look at where you spend your money most effortlessly. Also, if you take your most uncontrolled emotions or the guilt that you can’t get rid of, you’ll find your idols at the bottom. Whenever I hear someone say, “I know God forgives me, but I can’t forgive myself,” it means that person has something that is more important than God, because God forgives them. If you look at your greatest nightmare—if something were to happen that would make you feel you had no reason to live—that’s a god.”

A synopsis of his new book, Counterfeit Gods:

Now playing: John Mayer - Gravity

At times, the path to manhood can be like a gauntlet, or maybe more like a hazing. I feel myself being stretched. Some of my dreams are not currently being realized, my will is not being done. Working BIG hours, but with relatively small wages. Sleep debt. I’ve forgotten what most of my friends look like. It seems leisure time is occurring as frequently as a lunar eclipse. And, I’m getting chest hair.

A while ago, I was challenged by a teaching (by a guy I know) to do whatever it takes to “suck it up” and provide, even if the work or the wages is beneath my resume, skill, pay grade, or interest. (Being teachable hurts sometimes) Because my context is the 5-1-7, things aren’t ‘blinging’ right now. School districts are mostly contracting and retirements are being put off. Thus, a full-time teaching job has been illusive. So, I do a part-time night school gig and I sub all around the area, racking up a few ticks on the o-do-meter. I work a bit with another part-time job, and a bit with another job, and then there’s another part-time job, when I can squeeze it in…but the bills are paid, and even the dogs have enough food to eat.

But hear me, I’m not complaining. NO, I’m pressing on. Honestly, it’s cool. I’m okay because I think I’m learning contentment. I think I may be able to say (for the first time in my life) that I’m (kind of) content…maybe. Either way, I’m beginning to feel comfortable with my discomfort; because I read somewhere that His grace is sufficient and in another place that trials are the odd redemptive force that is refining, building, and bettering me.

Much has been given. I’ve got a little girl in the oven and she’s almost done a-cookin’. I’ve also got the Mrs. who, bless her heart, is doing her share and then some by staying in the full-time work saddle - in addition to her maternal duties. Further, there is a slew of blessing that I’m not mentioning and even more that I’m probably not even aware of.

I’m also noting the characteristics of The Divine Father. He provides, He does it from joy and love. No grudge in hand, He is happy to meet needs without mulling over questions about merit. I can also take a specific cue from His Son’s relational dynamic with His bride, the church. He laid His life down, poured Himself out; provided. He perpetually equips, cares for, and encourages. Can you dig it?

Recently, I heard Dan Kimball mention, “pain = growth.” That’s true, so I’m trying to consider “it” pure joy. Beneath the blows I’m attmepting to say, “thank you sir, may I have another!”

I’m trying to make it hurt so good.

Well, I’ll take your prayer for health, safety, & all that jazz because Dev is preggers! If all goes well, we’re due in early November. I’m hoping for a boy, she wants a girl - I do want a girl, but not until I own a gun (to adequately scare away boys).I’m so excited to be a dad, and if I’m honest, a bit overwhelmed too. When I first found out, the dogs and I jumped around like Ren and Stimpy did to the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” song:

 

 Ben Folds - rockin’ the suburbs

My bill from Consumers Energy this month: $496.40 - that’s only the gas bill.

$496.40.

Seriously, $496.40.

I’m going to go throw up now.

Now playing: Bush - Glycerine

My pretty wife caught a grouper while we were in Key West, I have been meaning to post this…



My sons; Bruno looks on curiously while Beau collapses after some heavy drinking.



Behold thy glory — I made ice-spikes in my yard to flaunt my artistic genius.



I hung out with my pal Seth last Friday night - Kung Fu Panda was awesome!

I’m so glad that Jesus was born in late December (He wasn’t, wink) because I’ve needed a breather. My short break has brought me rare luxuries like sleeping in, spending hours in a book store (reading books I don’t buy), and most importantly leisure time with my lady. Not having the weight of our usual responsibilities, we’ve been watching movies, spending time with people we care about, and talking. Last night, we had a long conversation that was so real and comforting - it made me glad we do life together. I guess I’m just kind of baffled that I’m still very interested in getting to know a person that I’ve known since 7th grade. AND, it gets better. We’re soon headed to Key West for a few days, and we didn’t have to pay for the plane tickets!

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Now playing: The Frames - When Your Minds Made Up
via FoxyTunes

A friend’s mother has a brain tumor & doctors are giving her a 50% chance, a colleague and friend’s father is slowly & gracelessly dying from stomach cancer, and military recruiters were in my school today hounding kids and making lofty promises.

These things have me feeling a bit down, YET something Paul said to the Romans speaks loud enough to give comfort and perspective:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

This weekend, as I was listening to a solid teaching about fear, I realized my biggest fears have to do with my dreams not being realized. I desperately want to live them out, instead of living in mere response to the circumstances that come my way. I think many of us, if we’re to be honest, have this sense that our lives have potential but feel like we’re bound to underachieve.

Erwin McManus recently gave this talk called “Dream” (on the bottom right of this page) that encouraged me. I listened to it twice and I’ll probably listen to it a few more time because I don’t think I believe it - I want to, but it’s so hard to see the unseen God when confronted with fear: failure and rejection and being misunderstood and having people think you’re crazy and pretentious…that wears on the soul.

Dreams frighten me because they bring can’t be separated from vulnerability — they require having the balls to take huge risks. Also, there is an element of being wise, disciplined, patient, and etc…how do I know that I’m not just settling or too afraid to make a step - OR - how can I be sure that action is actually the wrong thing at the moment? It’s like you’re supposed to be wise and crazy at the same time. I see why people never try, but at the same time I almost feel sick about about playing it safe.

I’ll leave you with a couple quotes from the talk I referenced:

“Is it possible that the dreams that are supposed to become your life are trapped under the rubble of all your failure, and all your fear, all your self-doubt, and all the voices that have spoken, ‘You’re wasting your life, it’s just a dream.’…What are the dreams that are waiting just on the other side of your fears? I think a lot of us just choose a safe life.”

“If you’re actually doing what you long to do…if you lose it, it leaves you naked, striped of all defenses. It is a dangerous thing to step beyond all you fears and live out your dreams because when your pursuing your dreams you’re left defenseless from pain.”
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Now playing: Erwin McManus - Dream
via FoxyTunes

The doctor told me that my sprained ankle is also broken…though the X-Ray and CAT Scan were each inconclusive. It seems like I get hurt playing basketball. I’ve previously broken my arm, broken 2 bones in my hand, tore my hamstring & quadricep, recieved chipped teeth & bloody noses when hacked, bricked dunks, jammed fingers, and one time a short guy block my shot.

I think my bones have been brittle because Celiac Disease can prevent the absorption of nutrients from food, like calcium. Or I’m like Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable, Mr. Glass:

Also, one of my friends left her cigarettes on my deck and Bruno & Beau ate them.

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Now playing: The Killers - All These Things That I’ve Done
via FoxyTunes

I’d like to let all (both) of you whom visit this site know what has been going on. For some reason, yahoo didn’t notify me that I had to renew my domain name, I thought it was an automatic renewal/auto pay thing. So, basically they cut me off because I didn’t pay. Also, my computer crapped out, so I had to get a new one.

“But I still love technology, always and forever.”

- Kip Dynamite