Coldplay – Til Kingdom Come

It is uber-important for those of us in relationships to not be selfish. When the me-first mindset takes hold, one of the first things that happens is that person A becomes unaware of the needs of person B. When person A learns of person B’s needs, person A will often see those needs as invalid because person A is the reference point and measure for basically everything.

And this can add up to gender warfare. Men scoffing at women, thinking that their differences make them inferior. Women scoffing at men, thinking their differences make them insensitive.

This the is gal who gets offended that her fella wants her to workout, thinking he’s shallow and not loving her for who she is. This is the guy who gets pissed that his lady wants more talks and hugs, thinking that she’s somehow weak or high maintenance. (Yes there are unhealthy, overbearing, and dependent relationships – I’m not talking about those)

Through some research I’ve done, I’ve come across a helpful summary of His Needs, Her Needs,  a book by clinical psychologist and author Dr. Willard Harley. Harley describes 5 ‘typical’ needs of a man and of a woman. May we be people who are both aware and humble enough to acknowledge the validity of the needs of our significant others.

Men

Sexual fulfillment

Recreational companionship

An attractive spouse

Domestic support

Admiration

Women

Affection

Conversation

Honesty and openness

Financial support

Family commitment